We make choices; there are consequences. Adults all want a better life experience for young people than adults had – that's normal and how our society continues to evolve – but there is also a tendency to want to impart adult life experience onto young people (colloquially known as 'putting an old head on young shoulders'). Students are growing up in an entirely different world from what adults experienced so what adults have learned may not be relevant to the current life experience of young people.
Adults often learned the most from making mistakes themselves. It is often hard for adults to do, but allowing young people to make their own mistakes can be valuable … as long as experience is such that a 'consequences' (or responsibility) model has already been adopted.
When young people grow up understanding that there are choices to be made; but one must accept responsibility for these choices by understanding that there are consequences (whether these are perceived as good or bad), they grow up to be responsible adults.
There is an expectation from many adults that life experience is such that intelligent young people quickly learn what works for them… and what doesn't. Unfortunately, young people (irrespective of their level of intelligence) have a brain (in particular the pre-frontal cortex) that is still being constructed during adolescence and not everyone has the capacity to make wise decisions. Determining whether a young person has the capacity to make valuable decisions is critical. Sometimes there are neurological reasons why an adolescent may not have the ability to do this – in which case, there might need to be appropriate professional intervention. Decisions might be different to what an adult (who already has life experience) would make. It can be useful for young people to identify what will occur by making decisions that will have real consequences for them.
Often, adults want to provide students with sufficient scope so they can learn to make responsible decisions… believing that everything is fine provided students' decisions are aligned with what adults would decide. However, this isn't consistent with students learning to make decisions and living with the consequences of these decisions.
Remaining in the background and exercising restraint can be difficult for adults who are concerned about an adolescent. Doing this might be the most effective way to increase a student's life-lessons. The consequences of an adolescent's decisions are rarely irreversible over time. Dangerous irreversibility could be the determining reason for adult intervention. Making decisions and living with consequences can be useful.
© Michele Juratowich
michele@clearingskies.com.au